Focus and productivity

I woke up at around 11:00. I do believe this period between late december and mid january is some form of vacation, but it is still embarrassing. I need to stop doing this. It feels as if it hurts me and hinders my potential. Almost every night I go to bed thinking about the next day, waking up early and being productive. Every day I should train (lifting weights), write some code, this is very important, write some thoughts, get some work done for my father (if needed), and read at least a little.

Between november and december of 2024, I had some weeks in which I was regularly waking up at around 5:30. I prayed a little, got some training done, drank some coffee and had a somewhat good breakfast. It was a little hard and some days were tougher than others to get out of bed, but I was pulling it off most days. Unfortunately, around late december and pretty much all of january so far, I’ve been slacking off a lot. Of course, I could justify myself arguing that I am taking some form of vacation, or that I mostly do home office for what my father requires of me, or that I’m unemployed in a way considering I don’t have the kind of job I desire to have. Some people have told me this is understandable, and that I should not be too harsh on myself. It still feels like all are lame excuses.

I do believe that once I get employed somewhere other than at my dad’s company, my life will change and I will be able to adjust to a productive routine. After all, I’ve adjusted to a proper on-site routine for my dad’s company in the past, not to mention during college. This makes me feel better and worse at the same time. What is different? Why can’t I have a productive routine if I am not employed or working part-time or home-office for my father’s company? What’s keeping me?

The biggest challenge has always been waking up early.

I’ve tried everything:

• Placing my phone away from my bed so that when the alarm activates I need to get out of bed to shut it down.
• Going to bed early the night before.
• Motivational videos.

Wait, just three things? Hmm, I now realize that I can’t think of any more examples. This is even more embarrassing. In this moment of my life, truth is, I’m just a lazy person.

Something comes to mind:

In order to command nature, one must first learn to obey it.

This is a phrase said by William of Baskerville in the movie The Name of the Rose. To put it in context, William tells this to Adso after noticing Adso was uncomfortably holding in the urges of the call of nature. It is not necessarily the same scenario, at all. But I feel like the idea is similar. I hate to consider it but I suppose there’s chances that I just need more and more rest. Maybe my brain is trying to tell me day and day again that what I’m doing in my life is not correct; that I need to switch it up or make radical changes. I don’t know.

Still, I won’t just take it as a certainty that I need to rest or that I’m depressed or any of those things. Like I mentioned, it mostly feels like lame excuses. I need to get to work. I need to be productive.

Here’s some stuff I will try in order to kickstart my productivity:

• Do the phone away from bed thing, again.
• Get to bed at 21:15 so that I might be falling asleep at around 21:35 or so.
• Drink lots of water, need to be well hydrated. Being dehydrated messes with my energy levels and focus.
• Start training again. Slowly but surely, maybe quick, simple lifting sessions for the time being.
• Try to improve my diet, eating more healthy meals.

At the end of the day, everything comes down to pretty much just being disciplined. It’s the most important thing and usually the most overlooked. People rely too much on motivation and maybe inspiration; and I’ve fallen into this too many times, most of my life actually. However, I still feel glad and kind of proud of still being able to identify that relying on motivation and inspiration has not worked in many years and areas of my life. I feel kind of good knowing that I realize I sometimes do things in the wrong way and that I need to improve. Even if I struggle to do so, and sometimes I straight up fail at it, I like to be aware that I need to put more discipline in pretty much all areas of my life. Let’s do that.

It is funny and a little ironic because now I feel a little motivated and inspired after writing this post.